So I have this one friend...
We give interesting gifts to each other.
.....lately it's been more of him giving me interesting gifts.
So here it is.
This Christmas gift.
.....along with the traditional Dilbert calendar-giving that started two (2) years ago.
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A long-range nerf rifle with tripod and scope. Comes with two magazines and front quarter of the rifle breaks off to an extra pistol.Here it is!
The long awaited NewSong North OC: Team Thailand STM '06 Video!
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP8aPHHKATk
Travis came up to me this past Sunday and started with, "if I don't see you..."
If you don't see me?
What do you mean, if you don't...
...ohhhh that's right. You're leaving for Bangkok in two days...
I totally didn't realize that it was time for him to leave.
All of a sudden I became emotional.
Don't know what it is.
I think it was because I didn't expect to hear that that particular morning.
Crazy.....
Travis with care package from NOC STM Thailand 2006 TeamWhoa!
What a night!
SUPREME has begun!
Actually it began lastnight at the strike of midnight as people started praying for the world as well as local ministries, global ministries, and each other.
It's good to know that there's someone(s) praying right now at this very moment. And I'm part of this movement!
How cool is that!
Tonight marked our very first night of focused prayer night as SUPREME progresses throughout the week.
Here are some pictures to mark this momentous occasion:
Mark ready-ing his heart before the night
Bo leading the worship
Whoa! We had 20 people show up for prayer & worship!
Another angle of whorship
Sisters Praying...
Bros Praying...
Just Praying...
Conference Room Transformed!
Conference Room Transformed (Angle 2)
Conference Room Transformed (Angle 3)
The Lab Transformed
Portion of S.Africa display at The Lab
The 24/5 Prayer Chart filled up!
Signup board #2 - for more prayer slots!When we set out, we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.
After sweating up buckets of sweat, and spending two weeks in a foreign land, we've come home having laid the first 74 posts - in hopes of it someday being completed by other volunteers.
The walkway that we have start to build in Koh Yao, Thailand is complete!
Wow!
I must say that I didn't expect the project to be completed so soon!
Team LA & NOC first day of the project
Team LA & NOC erecting the first post
Completed walkway (the entrance)
The other side
People can actually walk on it!
End of the pier.Awwwgh!
Got pulled over tonight.
At the parking lot at work!!!
Suuuuuuuucks!
We have federal police officers patrolling the area. It's a security thing.
So he pulls me over because I happened to be on my cellphone while driving my car from one parking lot to another - maybe 100 yards away.
It was night time, so I'm sure the glowing diaplay on my cellphone was easy to spot.
Anyway, this guys was a jerk! (They're pretty much all jerks with an exception of two or three.)
This dude pulls me over, flashing his bright rainbow lights. Comes over to the driver side of my car and start asking for the usual (license, registration, etc. etc.)
But the tone of his voice... I knew I had an issue here.
Then he starts goin' on and on about cellphone policy while driving... and having all the correct documents at all times, etc. etc.
That jerk started pulling scare tactics - telling me how it's going to cost me anywhere in the upwards of $700 and blah, blah, blah.
Ugh!
I've had it!
I am one person who does not like to get into confrontations, but it's been a long month thusfar, and been a really stressing last two weeks!
So I just lashed at him - telling him all the crap that I didn't like about how he was handling the current situation at the time, the reasons for my missing proof of insurance (they were in the office, because I took my bag inside with me (I keep my insurance paper with me at all times) and I wasn't planning on driving my car from one parking lot to the other), and blah, blah, blah.
I really hate confrontations.
But when I'm passionate about something, I'll let the world know. And when I get so damn upset, I start to shake. And I was trembling because I was so damn upset at how this lame-0 was treating me.
In the end that jerk gave me a ticket for $125.
I'm fighting this all the way.
Federal police or not.
Now I feel terrible for letting that jerk get me so worked up. Ugh!
Oh boy.
What a week it has been...
Wed -- Frontline Core get-together went 'til 12:00am. Good times, good times. I think everyone at the get-together didn't want it to end - knowing that one of us will not be at the next get-together. and the next. and the next...
Thu -- Laura's GoodLuck&HaveFunInPhilly! dinner. Our friend Laura's moving to Philidelphia - to write another chapter of her young life. GoodLuck, Laura!
Fri -- Harrison's BelatedBirthdayParty & The Merritts' GoodLuck&HaveFunInDallas! dinner. I think we may all have stayed at Miriam's house until 11:00pm. I think. None of us wanted to leave. Cherish every minute with our friends...
Sat -- SoAfricaMissionTeamReportNight. Boo-yah!
The report night was grrreat! I felt myself gettin' emotional while watching one of their video presentations. Oh... SoAfrica... how I want to see thee...
Great times with great friends, and then some. Noone wanted to walk away from this night either.
Sat (round 2) -- Harrison'sBelatedBirthdayRound2 with some great friends at BJ's. The food? .....awww...it's aight.
But the company. Grrreat!
For the first time I got to experience what it's like when my friend Connie consumes a lil' bit of alcohol. Whoo-yi!
Not sure whether that was the alcohol or just excitement from being with friends (I'm sure that was the alcohol), but she was crrrrrrrrrrrrrazy! AND that's why we all love Connie!
Sun -- The usual crazy day at NewSong North OC - setup | service | brainstorm | hangout | meeting | goodbyes | breakdown.
Sun (round 2) -- Symphonic Orchestra at Chapman University. A wonderful friend of mine is in an orchestra! Can you believe it? Yeah, me neither.
Well, she's been invited to perform with another orchestra. I think.
And she invited me to come watch! .....err.... listen.
It was grrreat!
Sun (round 3) -- Thailand Mission Team's GreatReportNight! Celebration & Travis' HaveFunInThailandAndWatchOutForLadyBoysWhileLookingForABeautifulFutureWife! dinner.
I must say, our "Experience the Journey" (it's a report night, but we really wanted to get away from the whole "report night" feel / theme, so we called ours, "Experience the Journey") was a BIG success!
And now Travis is moving to Bangkok, Thailand to write another chapter in his young life.
Good Luck, Travis!
So, yeah.
It's been a crazy busy week!
And I was sick all week... and am still sick.
Normally I'm OK with being on the GO.
But not when I'm sick.
Crazy thing is, I was sick last week. Got better. And got sick again on Tuesday of this week. And I just can't seem to shake it off this time.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh! Hate being sick!!!
Open your eyes...
and you might see that you're surrounded by love.
NewSong North OC Short Term Mission Team Thailand has completed their "Experience the Journey" Report Evening!
And it was a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat fantabulous time!
As this writer is super duper tired, I shall take a leave of absence.
Until next time...
Me of little faith...
once again all that stress...
all that frustration...
when will I learn?
Me of little faith...
had I only faith as tiny as a mustard seed...
Me of little faith...
once again I've been blessed...
once again my eyes have seen...
yet how long will I remember?
will I be faithful...
will I put my trust in the Lord...
could I surrender...
...and pray...
The other day a friend of mine asked me, "do you have a passion?"
Oyi...
It's a tremendously great question.
And a question to which I don't have a firm answer for.
I do believe I have found something I'm passionate about.
But it's nowhere near in the form of a passion as I would describe a passion to be.
Perhaps when I figure out how to turn my passion into something tangible...
...perhaps then, will I be able to answer this question with confidence.
Funny thing about taking a day off...
I'd always think that I'd get a whole lot done with extra time that I'd have with not having gone into work.
Funny thing is...
I end up doing nothing.
And find nothings to do in order to pass time because,
boy I have so much time on my hands when I don't have to spend 10 hours out of 24 hours a day at work.
What's scary is...
In the past I would not have been able to sit home and look for nothings to do...
I would always have things to do. Always an agenda.
But now...
Now it's different.
There's no passion.
No drive.
No hope.
Do you see a glimpse of a light?
Because sometimes that's all you need.
But I don't.
It's pitch black.
Just finished watching Million Dollar Baby.
Sad movie.
Angry movie.
"If there's magic in boxing, it's the magic of fighting battles beyond endurance, beyond cracked ribs, ruptured kidneys and detached retinas. It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you." - Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris -
...risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you.
but whatif even you don't see that dream? ? ?
Was talkin' with a friend of mine tonight...
He tells me that his smallgroup (a group of friends coming together to share their lives together and experience God together) has an age-range of 35 years.
Thirty five (35) years!
The youngest girl being 24 years old, and the oldest being 59 years old.
And their smallgroup continues to flourish.
That's crazy! Crazy!
I almost got teary-eyed, listening to him talk about his smallgroup.
Because I saw the beauty of God there.
'Cause only God could bring such odd friendship together.
The countdown has begun.
A very dear friend of mine recently told me that she will be moving away...
I somehow had a feeling that this day would come -- much sooner than anyone would dare to anticipate. ...but I sure didn't see it happening so soon.
It's funny how you build relationships with people.
Some people, you can have in your life for as long as 10 years or more and there may not be anything special.
And then there are those who come into your life, may impact you in the most unfathomable way possible -- all in the blink of an eye!
Relationships. That's where it is!
She will be missed. By all of us whose lives she has touched in the blink of an eye.
The good news is, she will be only about 1,300 miles away! One phone call. One email away.
Ahhhhhhhhh...... technology... =)
Here's an excerpt from "Practitioners":
"...relationship is really at the center of mission. Relationship with God, yes, but fascinationgly enough, relationship with each other as well."
"...maybe that's what Jesus was talking about in John 13:35 when He said, 'People will know you follow Me by [by what?] your love' -- what a novel evangelistic tool!"
"You see, if love's not at the center of our mission, people might be joining the Church, but I don't know if they're meeting God."
Whoa!
What a powerful image!
"...people might be joining the Church, but are they meeting God?"
I feel like this has been one of the biggest problems with Christianity today.
Sure, lots of people join the Church. We put on a big show to make sure that happens.
But are they really meeting God?
Are they practicing the love? ...for God as well as those around us?
After all, isn't that what being a Christ-follower is all about?
Loving God and loving our neighbors?
(back of a t-shirt worn by one of Thai Christ-followers)"Do you feel like you have relationship here?" was the question asked by my dear friend tonight.
Sadly my answer was a big fat, "no."
People would never have guessed it.
I know. It's crazy.
But that's how I feel.
It's quiet rather scary.
I don't know why I feel that way.
I do. But then I don't.
'tis the questions in life...
"Girls add color to life" - S.J.S -
It's true.
Whether it's exciting bright neon
Or depressing gray
Do you ever feel like you're standing by yourself all alone?
Somedays I feel like I have the whole world in my hands.....
And other days I feel like I'm standing all alone.....
"A battle to fight
A beauty to rescue
An adventure to live"
- John Eldredge -
I'm giving you my heart,
all that is within
I lay it all down,
for the sake of you my king
I'm giving you my dreams,
I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride,
for the promise of new life
And I surrender,
All to you, all to you
I'm singing you this song,
I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear,
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing you,
for the glory of your name
To know the lasting joy,
even sharing in your pain
And I surrender,
All to you, all to you
My dumbass decided to go swimming at the ocean.
.....with my glasses on!
Awwwwwwwwwwwgh!
Needless to say, my glasses are no more.
DAMMIT! Of all my glasses wearing days (11 years), those are my absolute favorite glasses!
.....washed away to the bottom of the ocean.
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?????
Arrrgh!
Yet another stripped away.
Arrrgh! I shall have my revenge on thee.
Restoring some files onto my lovely computer, I came across some interesting quotes that I've filed away...
This one's ok:
"I guarantee -- that we'll have tough times.
And I guarantee -- that at some point ... one, or both of us will want to get out of this thing.
But I also guarantee -- that if I don't ask you to be mine ... I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Because I know in my heart ... you're the only one for me."
Whenever I hear of someone say, "flow", I think of freestyle rapping. Like, "daaaaaaaaaaang, Snoop Dogg can flow!"
Who would've thought something so uncomfortable will become the very thing that I'd be living for...
Dave Gibbons defines flow - as far as I understand it - as cruising along with God's plan -- "flowing" with God as He makes the decisions and you submit to His will and put your utmost trust in Him that He will guide you in this journey that we call, LIFE (even though in many times that plan doesn't go along with our personal plans at all.)
Now I have a problem with that - as fundamentals of Christian faith is about putting faith in God to "take care of you."
Where / how do you distinguish the difference between being faitful and being lazy.
At what point do you become faithful and not irresponsible or careless.
This summer - for a short period of time - I got a chance to taste this so-called life of flow...
July of this year I set out on a Short Term Mission Trip (for two(2) weeks) to Thailand.
This trip to "do something" -- even for a brief moment - to live not for myself but for others -- was something I've been anxiously awaiting for about a year's timeframe.
But when it was time for me to leave for Thailand, I didn't want anything to do with it.
I was frustrated.
I was pissed.
I was disappointed.
Several days before I went on this trip though, I've made a decision.
I've made a decision to throw down everything, dust my hands off of all things that I think I ought to do, and say, "God, it's all yours. You take care of it. Because as much as I'd like to see things done the way I think it ought to be, ultimately some things I just can't change. You are the one who's in control."
Gawd! I hate that!
I mean, what man likes to admit that, 'he can't do it, and that he gives up?'
Oh... so painful...
And damn humbling.
...I mean after all, he's a god. The God.
And I'm just a man.
Livin' a life of flow - putting trust in God and saying, 'you take care of it because I know I understand that certain things I can't change' - was somewhat satisfying because I've just let things be. Just flow.
But I wonder, if things would have been "better" had I been more involved?
Or was I right in leaving certain things be just that. Be.
We may never know.
But one thing is for sure.
Livin' a life of flow..... it feels very free.
But once again. Was it faith? Or irresponsibility?
One CEO of a major health care provider (I forgot his name) states that living a life of flow' is about living a life of challenge.
Not a life filled with hardships, but about having challenges in life, which gives you excitement - something to live for. Hmmm...
As John Eldredge write in his book, "Wild at Heart", we men need a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue, and an adventure to live.
I have been - for a very long time - searching for that battle worth fighting.
A passion worth living for.
But sometimes battles are fought over the love of a woman.
Sometimes battles are fought to rescue the damsel in distress.
Maybe I'm searching for my battle in a wrong battle field...
So I'm sitting here in my office.
And my life doesn't feel so much like it's flowing.
Feels like I'm floating...
No. More like sinking.
I know what Dave meant about 'flowin'.
And I absolutely agree with the CEO's take in life and 'flow'.
So which do I believe?
Well, I have my own definition of a life of flow.
And I'm goin' for it!
It's exciting. And it's scary.
But I'm putting my trust in God and choosing my battles carefully.
Whoa!
My "check engine" light came on yesterday as I was driving home from work.
Of the 134 months and 210K miles that I drove my car, I've never, NEVER seen the "check engine" like come on! CRAP!
I figured it's probably because I lack the engine oil in my car -- I was due for an oil change and was on my way to get it done.
So what do I do???
Do I stop and pour some oil in my engine and drive to the dealer?
Do I bet on the hopes that my car will make it to the dealer?
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !
It wasn't the engine oil.
The "check engine" like continues to stay on after oil / filter change. Hmmmm.....
Better take it to my mechanic.
My mechanic tells me that some parts are in "ok" shape -- I forget the names of those parts -- AND my fuel injector needs some serious cleaning.
His recommendation?
Just clean / flush out the fuel injector and some other parts, and my Tercel ought to run like a champ!
And replace those other parts later. SWEEET!
So the Tercel lives on...
...to face another 100k miles. I hope.
My friend sent me this song a while ago.
It's Hilarious!
click on picture to D/L the song =P
Took this photo the other day.
A Dodge Charger -- Anaheim Police car.
Of course this guy took off, weaving in and out of lanes like he can't make up his mind as to which lane he wants to drive in.
Sorry Mad Max...
"No one should ever have to live up to anyone's expectations."
That's what I say.
It's been 15 days since I've been back from Thailand.
Haven't particularly called any of my friends. Haven't emailed any of my supporters. Haven't talked with anyone (if I can avoid them.)
That's been my experience having come back from my "first mission trip."
Why?
Because I have absolutely NOTHING to say!
- "how was Thailand?," people ask.
- "it was good," I say.
- "well tell me more. I wanna hear all about it!", they often say.
- and I say, "it's Thailand."
What more do you wanna know?
Do you wanna hear how my trip to Thailand was such a life-altering experience that I feel like giving my all and moving to Thailand to serve the Lord and the Thai people?
Do you wanna hear me say that the trip had totally opened my eyes to how people live in other parts of the world and that having observed it totally makes me wanna change my lifestyle here in the States?
Do you wanna hear me say that I've come back a completely changed man -- having seen the poverty, lived among the poor -- my life will now never be the same?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?!?!?
I feel like there are those around me who wants to hear those exact words. Exact words.
As if their first time experience and all the other first timers' experiences ought to be what I should be feeling / learning / and struggling with.
So why haven't I contacted my friends & supporters?
Because I have nothing to say.
I don't feel like going back to Thailand to devote my life out there.
I don't feel like completely altering my lifestyle because "now I've seen how people live in other parts of the world."
I don't feel like I've come back a completely changed man -- now ready to take on the world and live for only the Good and Righteous.
I don't think or feel like any of those things that I think people think how I ought to feel and think and change.
Going into this mission trip I had no expectations. NO EXPECTATIONS!
I wanted to go. Do the job that's been given to me. And no more.
Having come back though..... I feel like I'm expected to be like all the other "first time mission goers."
Whether it be struggling to assimilate back into "regular life." Or having a tough time "processing" all that's been experienced.
So what do I tell them?
That I've worked long hours under a blistering sun, trudging through leach-infested swamps, carrying a log that seem to weigh a ton -- sharpening them with hatchets we've almost never used before?
But it seem so trivial.
And it wasn't really a swamp. And it wasn't leach-infested.
Whether it's physical work, educating the young minds, the new living conditions -- they all seem so trivial to be telling people who've come to hear "how I've so changed."
But then I'm reminded -- having talked with my friends at work, sharing with them the experiences as I experienced it, the scenes as I saw it -- that it's not about changes within me (as many would make you think by telling you that "you'll come back a different person," and "this experience will change your life forever,") but it's about seeing God at work in & through others.
And maybe through my experience others may be motivated or encouraged to check out this God, or take a step towards missions. Or something.
Maybe that's it.
Or maybe it's not about any of that.
But one thing is for sure.
"No one should ever have to live up to anyone's expectations."
---------------------------------------------------------------
as I've said before.....
I process much on my own, but the rest I process by talking with people.
Going back to work today and talking with my coworkers was such a blessing that my heart's been yearning for for the past two weeks -- without myself even knowing.
I think there's more to come as I share with people whom I don't feel like they are there to hear, "how it was such a life-altering experience." =P
TWO more Sudafed pills.
Yummmmm...!
My tongue feels like it's been swollen 3x!
And I'm getting sleepy......... very sleepy.....
It seems the flu / cold / fever / or whatever it is that I had in Thailand had followed me back home.
Right now I'm all drugged up with TWO Sudefed pills, some Korean cure-all capsule, some Korean herbal stuff that looks like rat droppings, anti-biotics capsule for my infected wound on my right ankle, and an anti-malaria pill that I had forgotten to take yesterday.
Hmmm...... I started feeling 'not so good' lastnight.
I wonder if skipping the malaria pill has anything to do with it...
Had a job interview today.
...interesting, I thought.
Their starting salary needs to be negotiated on.
...but then who is to say that they even liked me to give me a job?
...you'll never know...
It's like the TootsieRoll TootsiePop commercial:
'how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsieroll tootsiepop?'
'the world may never know..."
So this due works for Xanga.
And I read some of his stuff once in a blue moon.
Pretty creative. I think it's the Korean blood flowing in him.
So I came across this pic.
All I can say is, "Yeah!"
Hahahah! Funny. And I don't even like TV.So.....
It's been about 10 days since I set my foot back here on the States' soil.
Boy, it sure feels good to be back home.
Before I left for my trip to Thailand, I thought that I'd never want to come back. But somewhere along the way that thought had changed. And I am actually glad that I'm back home safe and sound.
I love the outdoors.
So sleeping in huts, battling mosquitoes and other bugs, taking cold showers, living very minimal didn't bother me at all. But by the end of my stay in Thailand, I knew it was time for me to go.
...time for me to venture out into something different.
So here I am.
Back home.
I ought to be looking for new challenges...
...but for the past week I've been the laziest that I'd ever been.
Took a whole month off from work - spent two weeks in Thailand - and now I'm spending the rest of my time at home. And it's GRRREAT!
Except that I ought to be working towards something - living towards something.
Hmmm.... what new ventures can I plunge into???
Haven't thought much about the trip since I've been back.
I've "processed" just about all my thoughts while in-country. And I don't wish to dwell in past thoughts now that I'm home.
So... I thought I'd wait 'til some revelation - a revelation that will give me amazing thoughts to put onto these pages.
Then I read one of my friend's blogs...
I don't have to put anything amazing!
Just thoughts...
But I don't have much to say right now.
So here it is.
A visual timeline of my trip to Thailand (due to time constraint, I've only put up a small amount of pics from the island)
driving on left side
STOP!
On the way to school... to teach
Homes on the island
Our school in the middle of the moutains
E1 teaching English
E2 teaching English
Our classroom
The students
Little 'uns playing with soccer ball
Our optometrist. Saving one sight at a time
Our worksite
Fishing out logs
Maneuvering more logs
Sharpening logs with a hatchet
74+ logs sharpened
Posting logs into ground
We've cleared the path and posted 74 logs into the ground.
